The day before we met, we had a bigger fight over the phone, because Y came to Jakarta unannounced and as a result of that, I wasn't available the fir...t time she wanted to meet me, already going out with friends that night. However, she didn't seem mad now, just shy like a school girl. It was kind of cute.We went to Boplo for some Gado-Gado and started talking. I tried to melt the ice and turned on my charme and tried testing the water with some flirty remarks. She smiled sometimes and it. Even as a child, I could never bond with others and I always felt out of place in the world, like I was incompatible with this reality. My real depression began eight years ago, when I was constantly teased and ridiculed by those around me for no reason. I was simply picked at random to be used as a punching bag. I was tormented for years on end, but the ones who brought me so much pain never got the punishment they deserved. In order to “give me a reprieve from my torture”, I was transferred. A loosely-woven robe of coarse brown fabric hung from the rutting priest's shoulders, entirely open in the front, a knotted waist cord hanging tangled down each side. A crucifix, bearing the carved figure of a weeping and crucified man, flopped and danced wildly from the priest's neck, its repeated impacts against his chest ignored. Beads of sweat fell upon the crucifix and were scattered away like so many tears wept by the carved figure thereon.She was, without doubt, an angel. Everyone. It took four-wheel drive, and a lot of patience and slow driving to get there, without bouncing the both of us out of the vehicle.I kept the body (damn! It was hard to think of him as 'the body') buckled into the front passenger seat. This was an older version of me. I somehow had to disassociate myself from him, in order to finish the task at hand.It took me several hours to dig the grave as deeply as I wanted. Then I got a bag of lime out of the back and spread the contents of the bag evenly.
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