In a way, it felt good to finally have an answer as to why I suffered from depression. I had been depressed for most of my eighteen years, even suicid...l, completely in contrast to the comfortable middle-class life I lived in my hometown in Maine. I couldn’t even count the number of antidepressants, forced therapy lessons, and thoughts of longing to just die. There are people starving all over the world, people suffering. It’s a mystery to people like me why they just don’t kill themselves. It. "Soon afterwards we went to bed where I made love to Elizabeth and we cuddled around Louise. Soon worn out by today's labor, we went to sleep.September 10, 1847We began lowering the wagon captain's wagon first. We tied a forty-foot pine on the back of the wagon and attached ropes to each corner. For extra braking we put a branch between both back wheels to keep them from moving. Still, we almost lost the wagon. One of the oxen just died when we lowered him to the bottom of the hill. We. But, here it is ... my friends are retired and getting grey ... they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me ... but, I see the great change ... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant ... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d become.Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat. Max was from aboard we will say… Kool accent and laid backed. Nice 6’2 built 30 dirty blond with the Build of a Viking. I sat and watch women just bounce of him like bullets as we shot pool together. You must be married too. I told him..he laughed and said that why I’m hanging out with you at a Stripper club shooting pool. Russian/European tipsy accent…lol. Instead of Fucking these America slut puppies in one big orgy in My hotel Room!! Max throws his hands around in a circle spilling drink in.
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